


Pun-damentals of Office Rivalry

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Series: Tumblr Prompts [26]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Politics, Bad Puns, Competitive Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Enemies to Lovers, Interns & Internships, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 19:01:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17229479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: When Magnus and Alexander get off on the wrong foot at the start of their internship, Magnus takes it upon himself to annoy Alec at every turn.





	Pun-damentals of Office Rivalry

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr prompt: A simple but strong Malec Enemies to Lovers fic with lots and lots of puns Could you please. Please. Do that for me? This fandom needs more of them.

Magnus zones out for most of the introduction speech by the person in charge of the Interns. It isn’t anything he hasn’t heard before, and he only tunes back in towards the very end, at the reminder about the scholarship. 

“...at the end of the month, one intern will be chosen for the Alicante Scholarship, which, I’m sure I don’t need to remind you, comes along with a guaranteed spot on Senator Herondale’s advisory council after completion of your final year of school.”    
  
All of the interns are going to be seniors next year. All of them want this - it’s prestigious, and getting a job straight after graduation is harder to do these days, even for the best of them. But Magnus needs this even more than most - without that scholarship, he can’t go back to finish his final year. His family is well off so he doesn’t qualify for any aid, even though they aren’t giving him a cent for his foray into Politics, which is a ‘disgrace and a waste of time’, according to his Father.  No one will give him a loan to cover the remainder of his schooling, either - not with how many he already has out. This is his last chance to make his dream a reality, and he isn’t about to squander it. 

His eyes fall on a boy standing near the back, leaning against a wall. He looks like he couldn't care less about being here, hazel eyes more interested in the people standing around them than those he’s supposed to be working for. There’s a pencil tucked behind his ear, and he fidgets with it, bringing it up to his lips to chew on the eraser. When he sees Magnus staring he smiles for just a second before turning away just as quickly, and Magnus smirks before pulling himself together again. He’s not here to make friends. In fact, quite the opposite. 

Each of the 10 interns in the room with him are the only things in his way, and he’s going to crush every last one of them to win. 

...after they all go out that night, that is. Someone comes up with the idea of going to a local bar to get to know each other and hang out before work kicks into full swing and Magnus supposes he can play nice for a night. 

After a few drinks, Magnus can’t keep his eyes off the intern with the gorgeous hazel eyes. He thinks he might have a shot if he plays his cards right, until-

“Would you quit staring at me?” 

Oh. Was he being obvious? 

“I don’t know, can you quit looking like a goddamn angel?” 

His brain screams ‘ _ Magnus, no!’  _ the moment the words leave his lips. They were meant to stay entirely in his head. He knew those last two tequila shots were bad ideas. 

The tall guy rolls his eyes. “Do those lines ever really work?”    
  
Magnus looks offended. “Okay 1, it isn’t a line because I wish I could stop staring at you but you are, quite honestly, the most attractive person in this place. Besides myself, of course. And 2, yes. All the time.” 

To prove his point, Magnus looks around for a moment before finding two girls sitting together at the bar a few feet away. 

“Excuse me, Miss? I think there’s something wrong with my phone.” Magnus says, holding it out to her. She eyes it skeptically before he continues. “It doesn’t have your number in it.” 

The guy rolls his eyes again but stops when, to his horror, the girl giggles and takes the phone, hitting a few buttons before handing it back to Magnus who turns triumphantly back towards the person whose number he would  _ actually _ like to leave with tonight. 

“At least it wasn’t a pun. I can’t stand puns.” Tall, dark, and handsome declares, and Magnus’ eyes light up in a way that tells the other intern that he’s made a very big mistake in admitting that. 

“Can you lay puns? What about sit them? I’m sure you could stand them if you just gave them a little support.”

“I’m leaving now.”

“Wait, I never got your number. Or your name, for that matter.” He continues, holding his phone out to the guy. “No more puns, Scout’s Honor.” 

He takes it, handing it back to Magnus with the contact page still open to a new name: Alec. No last name, just Alec. 

“I suppose I’ll talk to you later” Alec says, sliding some bills across the bar top for his drinks before leaving. 

Magnus hits the phone icon. It rings twice before going to an answering machine:   
  
_ You’ve reached the office of Senator Herondale. Please leave your name, district, reason for- _

Magnus hangs up with a huff. 

\---

The next morning when he sees Alec Magnus makes a beeline for him, with every intention of congratulating him on the clever move with the office number. Instead Alec brushes past him without a word, pointedly ignoring any eye contact. 

So that’s how it’s going to be, then? Fine. 

He leaves for lunch later and comes back not with food for himself, but with a pastry and latte from the place a few blocks over. One sugar, two pumps of vanilla, just like Senator Herondale likes it. He’ll be the favorite in no time. 

Except when he knocks on the door to deliver it, he sees Alec already in the office, laughing with Herondale like they’re best friends. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” 

“Not at all, Alexander and I were just catching up, nothing important.” Alec - or should he say,  _ Alexander _ \-  stands and smooths out his shirt where it wrinkled from sitting. 

“I should get back to work anyway. Thanks for taking the time, Mrs. Herondale” 

Magnus eyes him carefully, wondering what all that was about. Catching up? And  _ no one  _ could get Herondale to laugh, what is Alec playing at? 

\---

“I don’t know why I’m even bothering,” mutters the girl sitting at the desk next to Magnus. 

“With what?” Magnus asks, careful to keep the phone from his desk pressed against his ear like he’s making calls instead of talking. 

“Trying to get that scholarship. Like they’re going to want to give anyone other than Lightwood that position after college.” She humphs, and Magnus follows her gaze over to where Alec is tapping his foot impatiently by the photocopier. Lightwood. Of course. 

“Wait.  _ That’s _ Robert Lightwood’s son?” Robert Lightwood is the other Senator from Pennsylvania, the Republican in the current split state. The  _ competition _ . The  _ enemy _ , fresh off a divorce and going into his reelection campaign with plummeting support. 

Why is Alec Lightwood even  _ here?!  _ His family certainly has the money to not need the scholarship, and the guy’s legacy in politics is all but secured with a family name like that, Republican or not. He should be summering in the Hamptons, not busting his ass over some barely-paid internship. 

“Yeah.” She slumps back, resigned to her call list. “Figures, we’d get thrown in with him. I can’t seem to catch a break lately.” 

Magnus’s curious gaze turns into a cold, calculating glare as he singles out his strongest competition. 

He turns to Maia with a conspiratory smile. “Did you know he hates puns?” 

\---

Magnus shows up early the next morning to break the tips off of all Alec’s pencils, leaving behind a post-it note that reads “ _Broken pencils are pointless”_ . When Alec sees it he immediately looks up to glare in Magnus’ direction. Magnus waves back through the glass paneling around the top of his cubicle, the light glinting off of the rings on each finger as does. 

For the next week straight, Alec logs into his computer every morning to his desktop background being set to an image of a black background with white text. The text is different every day, and every day it’s a new pun.    
  
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.   
  
It’s obvious that Alec is doing his best to act like it isn’t bothering him, but after a full week he finally stalks over to Magnus’ desk. 

“I know it’s you. Stop it.” 

“ _ Light _ en up, Lightwood.” Magnus retorts, and Maia snickers beside him. Alec turns on his heel and leaves. 

When Magnus comes in the next morning Alec’s computer is password protected.  

\---

Two weeks later and it’s apparent that Maia was right - Herondale sure does spend a  _ lot _ of extra time talking with Alec. When it’s obvious that he has the benefit of unfair favoritism, Magnus decides to even the playing field. He and Raphael start a rumor that Lightwood is only there to spy for his father, hoping to get him removed from the internship and out of their way for good. When Alec gets pulled into Senator Herondale’s office the next day he comes out looking surprisingly upset, but at the end of the day it’s Raphael who’s sent home after someone rats him out. Magnus waits for his turn, but his friend keeps his involvement in the smear campaign quiet. 

“You didn’t have to get him kicked out,” Magnus mutters to Alec while they’re both sitting near each other in the break room. 

“He didn’t have to bring my father into this,” Alec replies evenly, standing and leaving the room without another word. 

Magnus almost feels bad for him until he watches Alec slip out an hour early that day while the rest of them stay to put in overtime. 

He signs Alec’s work e-mail up for a daily pun subscription. The first one reads, “Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.” Alec’s going to hate it. 

When it’s unsubscribed the next day he signs  _ himself _ up, and auto-forwards the e-mails to Alec from his account instead. 

\---

The group of interns thins from 10, to 9 to 6 within the first three weeks. Overtime is not required but they’re all putting the time in now. This isn’t some half-ass summer job. A letter of recommendation after an internship like this is worth its weight in gold. Those who can’t keep up with the extra work are dropping like flies, and those who are keeping up for the time being are starting to burn out fast, including the Golden Boy. 

“What do you have, a magical stamina potion?” Alec asks him one day as Magnus waltzes into the office in a full face of makeup at 6 am after only clocking out the night before at midnight. He’s been the last one there and the first one in every day for a week. 

“Fake it ‘til you make it, darling,” Magnus replies with a wink.

“You’re trying too hard. It isn’t a good look.” Alec challenges. A power move, eh? Trying to rattle him? As if. 

“You’re just jealous you can’t keep up. Speaking of good looks, want to borrow some concealer? Sorry, it won’t work to cover up your shitty attitude, but those circles under your eyes could use all the help they can get.”

He smirks, passing by Lightwood’s desk without a second glance even though he wants to take a picture of that open-mouthed shock to hang up in his cubicle forever. 

\----

“What’s wrong?” Alec asks the moment Magnus walks through the door the following Saturday morning.

Magnus is too surprised that Alec is even acknowledging his existence after a week of total silence to notice the actual concern in Alec’s voice.

“...nothing?” Magnus replies skeptically. 

“Are you sick?”    


“No. You know, I might have bags under my eyes, but at least they’re designer.” Magnus tries to recover the best he can, but he’s too exhausted to think of a better comeback and he knows that line is  _ far _ from his best. He’s clearly slipping.  

Alec shrugs, unfazed. “You just seem off. If you want to take a nap in the break room I’ll cover for you.” 

“...oh, sure. Sleep Trick over here thinks he can get me to nap on the job. Nice try.” 

“...’Sleep Trick’?” 

“You know, like ‘Cheap Trick’?” Silence. “Nevermind. Humor is wasted on you. Do you even know how to smile?” 

“Of course I do. There just has to be something funny first.” 

Silently fuming, Magnus holds his coffee in a death-grip before passing by Lightwood’s desk to get to his own. 

“I hate him,” he admits, sitting next to Maia. There are only 5 of the original 10 interns left, and he’s glad Maia is one of them. She seems to dislike Lightwood and his stupid familial entitlement just as much as he does.    
  
“I don’t know why he’s still here working himself to the bone over this when he doesn’t have to. This job  _ sucks _ . It’s summer and the only time I’ve seen the sun is for outdoor campaign events and coffee runs.” Maia sounds as worn down as the rest of them, but it’s almost over and no one is giving up this late in the game. 

Magnus can’t remember the last time he slept more than 5 hours, and that’s being generous. Today he woke up so late he didn’t have time to do his hair or half his makeup, which he’s positive is what Lightwood was trying to get at. Magnus usually keeps a carefully crafted mask on but today it’s gone. He feels exposed enough without that asshole calling him out on it. 

“Do I look that bad?” He asks, frowning at his reflection in the black computer screen before it comes to life. 

“You couldn’t look bad if you tried, Magnus,” Maia points out. 

“Thanks, I knew I kept you around for a reason. Lunch is on me today.” 

He’ll be damned if he lets Lightwood get under his skin. 

\---

The final project they have to submit in is a proposal. It’s very open-ended, they’re simply to write up a proposal (or multiple if they want, there is no limit) for changes they would push for if given a spot on the Senator’s advisory panel. Magnus has a binder full of them in a week: ways to help lower the cost of living for families in poorer areas of his district, projects to benefit endangered minority group youths, plans to spruce up local parks and build more playgrounds. He’s from a poor neighborhood full of struggling families, and all he’s ever wanted to do was be able to make life there a little better. 

It’s why he wants to go into politics in the first place - to be a voice for those who need it. To make the changes he wished he saw while he was growing up, and make sure his generation doesn’t make the same mistakes their parents’ did. 

He’s never put more effort into anything the way he does with these proposals, trying very hard not to imagine the sort of upper-hand Lightwood - coming from a family of politicians - already has in this particular area, hoping the heart he’s putting into his work will overcome his lack of personal  experience. 

It has to. 

\---

By the end of July the office is bustling with activity. There are only a few days left in the internship before Senator Herondale picks the candidate for the Scholarship and the spot on her advisory council after graduation, and everyone left has come to the same conclusion: that it’s between Magnus and Alec. Those who are left are hanging on by the skin of their teeth, just in it to finish out the experience for their resumes, but the two of them are light years beyond the others in the tasks they’re taking on around the office. While Raj is still stuck doing coffee runs after 2 months, Magnus and Alec are arranging meetings and taking notes and even stepping in to help fill out official documents as needed. 

He allows himself the smallest amount of hope that he can actually get this when Herondale’s personal assistant calls out sick, and Alec is asked to step in as her aid for the day. So that’s it, then. It’s obvious who the favorite is, and there’s nothing he can do in two days to change it. 

He overhears Alec talking with Clary, an eager intern who stuck it out alongside them all these weeks as well. 

“What was it like, being there for all the official meetings? Was it exciting? Did you get to say anything?” She grills him. 

Alec shrugs. “It was fine, I guess. I dunno, the whole thing was kind of boring. I never really got the appeal of politics. Between you and me, I don’t even want this job. My dad forced me to take an internship for the summer so I figured what better way than to go with Herondale and mess with him in the process.” 

Magnus turns the corner with rage in his eyes. “I’m sorry, did I hear that right? You don’t even  _ want _ to be here?” 

Alec bristles. “What’s it to you?” 

“What’s--” Magnus sputters. “It’s my entire  _ future _ . It’s my  _ life _ , that’s what it is. We don’t all have a last name that’ll get us in the door of any office we want. Hell, we don’t all have the money to finish school. This isn’t a game for the rest of us. I  _ needed _ this scholarship, and you’re just here for fun to piss off your dad.” 

Before Alec can defend himself, Magnus turns the corner and disappears. 

\---

“...it doesn’t matter now. It’s over.” Magnus sighs. 

“There has to be something you can do...” Maia starts, trying her best to be optimistic. 

“There isn’t. Without that scholarship I can’t go back this year, and if I drop out now I’m never going to catch back up. I just wanted to go back home with this degree, and this job, and prove it wasn’t just some stupid, naive dream. That I could make an actual difference somewhere. But of course I was wrong. Optimism has no place in politics and I should’ve known better. I wasn’t good enough, as usual.” He throws the binder with is proposals into the trash and stalks out, pausing in the doorway when he sees Alec frozen just outside the door, obviously listening to everything he just said. 

“Congratulations, Lightwood.” He says with nothing but bitterness in his voice.

“Magnus, wait-” 

“Piss off.”  

Magnus doesn’t bother looking back, so he doesn’t see Alec go into the break room before he’s even halfway down the hall. 

\---

When Magnus comes in the next morning he’s called into Herondale’s office almost immediately. His proposals were due by the end of the day yesterday and he never submitted them. In his previous rage it seemed pointless, but now he wants nothing more than to go back and at least hand  _ one _ of them in. In fact, he didn’t sleep at all after he left, knowing how badly he fucked up and managed to ruin everything for himself even more than Lightwood already had. Maybe if he begs hard enough, possibly crying for good measure, he can still turn them in today. 

“Senator Herondale, if this is about the proposals I can explain. You see I had them but--” 

“Take a seat, Mr. Bane.” She cuts him off, and Magnus nods glumly, sitting, fighting the urge to fidget nervously with his ear cuff. “This  _ is _ about your proposals. They’re fantastic.” 

“...what?” 

“Don’t be modest, it doesn’t suit you. These are some really good ideas. And they’re all focused on your district, correct?” 

“Yes, Ma’am. But I don’t-” 

“I’m impressed you trusted another intern to hand them in and not sabotage you; I know how cut-throat that scholarship can get every year. But Mr. Lightwood got them to me right as I was leaving yesterday.” 

Alec? But where did he--  _ oh _ . He recognizes the binder sitting open on Mrs. Herondale’s desk: it’s the one he threw away in the break room. Or at least, the one he  _ thought _ he threw away. Apparently Alec had other plans. 

“The scholarship is yours, as is the job after graduation, if you want it. And I sincerely hope you do, because I think we can make some good chances together. In fact, if you don’t mind, I’d like to keep these and see what I can get in the works awhile. With your permission, of course.” 

It’s all he can do to nod. 

“Wonderful. Well, we’ll make an official announcement later at the end of the day.” 

“Thank you, Senator. I can’t… you don’t know what this means to me.”    
  
“Don’t thank me. You earned it.” 

Maybe he shouldn’t thank her, but there is someone else he  _ should _ thank. Magnus leaves Mrs. Herondale’s office and goes downstairs, scanning the desks for Alec, but he isn’t there. Turning around Magnus spots him slipping into the break room and follows. 

“You gave her my proposals.” It isn’t a question, and he locks his gaze with Alec’s, willing him not to look away, searching for any reason why he’d do that for him. 

“Sorry. I know it wasn’t my place to, but I read them and, well, you deserve that spot way more than I did.” Alec shrugs it off like it’s no big deal, and maybe to him it isn’t. 

But to Magnus, it’s everything. 

“Thank you.” Magnus bites down on his lower lip, thinking. “I think we got off on the wrong foot. Want to start over?”    
  
“No puns this time?” 

“I make no promises.” Their eyes meet and Magnus catches Alec’s eyes drift down to his lips almost imperceptibly. Almost. Those same lips twitch up in a smile and there’s a moment of tension between them before they’re pressed up against Alec’s in an impulsive rush. Alec breathes in a gasp of surprise before kissing him back, allowing Magnus to press against him hard enough to send him stumbling back a few steps before his back hits the wall behind him. 

“Wait--” Alec says, eyeing the door nervously. “Not that I’m opposed to this but... just not here.”    
  
“Then how about my place? Tonight? I’ll cook dinner if you cook breakfast.” Magnus suggests with a suggestively raised eyebrow. 

“Are you always so full of yourself?” Alec asks, but this time there’s less of the usual hostility, and more light teasing. 

“Most of the time. But I don’t mind being full of other people, either. If you catch my drift.” Magnus winks, trying not to laugh as Alec straightens out his shirt and pointedly ignores his horribly inappropriate joke. 

Magnus is afraid he went a bit too far until Alec pauses at the door, calling over his shoulder, “Lucky for you I make a mean french toast.” 

Magnus smirks. Lucky for him, indeed. 

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr! ](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com))


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